Love Poems in Adar
It is Adar and I am Ester,
terrified of my own power;
terrified that life's disasters may have meaning
beyond my control.
In light of life's crises I have questions:
Is my loss someone else's gain?
Am I here for "a reason"?
Is God hiding yet moving the pieces?
Am I just a piece on a chessboard? Was Esther?
Was she abducted and violated and married-off
with no choice
all to save a People?
And does that make it okay?
One life compromised. Many lives saved.
We overlook the pillaging of Esther.
We celebrate it!
Such an upside-down holiday, this.
Mordechai empowers Esther:
Take your power. Claim your place.
You are Queen, so be Queen!
I know the lesson of this year's scroll of life.
I know I am to find power within the absence of control;
to find power within the things I can control.
But I am terrified of how badly I want you to smile at me
I am drunk on my past and future
I am standing at their crossroads
I do not know if you are a Haman or a Mordechai
I do not know if a step toward you is a step forward or back
It is Adar and I am Esther and I know
I must claim my place
and I know I must leave it to you
to write yourself into my story
And to accept that the story will go on